The Light within Darkness

The Light within Darkness
**originally written on January 29, 2010**

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. Carl Jung

It is said that we are constantly moving into a challenging storm of life, struggling through one currently, or just coming through one.  And as negative as this may sound, it conversely suggests that we are moving into a beautiful time in life, are enjoying one currently, or are just completing the celebration of one.  The darkness and brightness of life, then, are just two opposite ways of seeing the same event.  

 
As bright as life has been recently, I often find myself peaking toward the shadows wondering, "What will I do then?"  Unfortunately, we don't need to wonder very long as the shadows creep into all of our lives occasionally.  The last two weeks have served as a painful reminder of that truth.

 
Two weeks ago my day began with the rush to catch a flight.  Upon landing there was news of an earthquake in Haiti. By the end of the day it was revealed that several hundred thousand people were feared dead; millions more in suffering, homeless, broken. The human pain there is unimaginable; the sense of hopelessness overwhelming.  

More close to home, a few days after the quake a friend from high school was rocked through the death of his daughter.  This sweet little one was almost a year old and had battled leukemia bravely since her birth.  It was a huge loss for the family and all who love them. 
Later that day we received news that my wife's father, Joe, likely has cancer.  By the end of the week he had been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic, liver and colon cancer.  It remains stunning, saddening news. 

There were many more significant tragedies from the previous couple of weeks, but as I see you are about to leave the computer, proceed to the window, and jump - I'll stop and come to the point.  Through these tragedies, somehow, there remain glimmers of hope.  The great majority of the Haitian people have united and worked together, there have been amazing stories of valor and courage, there exists the possibility that through this catastrophe the poorest nation in this hemisphere may follow the example of the phoenix and rise from the ashes.  The death of that baby girl has united a family, a church and a community in sadness - and love.  My father-in-law's cancer has brought about the celebration of life: his family is united around him, he is soaking in the moments with his grandchildren, and tonight hundreds of his friends and family gather for a prayer service - not only asking for a miracle of healing, but celebrating the miracle of life that already has been gifted to Joe.     

Like you, I have responsibilities at work, at home and in the community.  Like you, I am busy and have many pulls on my time.  Like you, I sometimes struggle just staying above the water.  Tonight though, I am reminded of the fragility of life and the common bonds that sustain us and offer meaning:  our desire to love and be loved; our need to be part of something bigger than ourselves; our desire to be appreciated and remembered; our ability to rise up and fight, our joy found in the presence of a good friend, and our amazing gift extended to each of us to choose, moment by moment to step toward a life bigger, better and more meaningful than anything we dreamed possible.

Today, I am reminded that life is remarkably beautiful, dreadfully sad, totally deficient, and, somehow, entirely perfect.  It is, my friends, only in the darkness of life that our eyes are permitted to see what they too often miss in the light. 

John O'Leary | RisingAbove
Ignite Life | Fulfill Potential | Impact Others

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Where in the World is...John O'Leary??

Where in the World is...John O'Leary?

Are you wondering where I might be traveling to next? I've posted a few photos of the cities that I will be visiting soon. Can YOU name the city, just by a photo? If so, be sure to tell me what city you think it is by leaving a comment. (The third one is an easy one!)

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New Eyes

New Eyes 

One does not see anything until one sees its beauty.   - Oscar Wilde

 We often see firsthand the benefits of bringing a new set of eyes into a problem.  It allows us to look at situations or challenges from a fresh perspective that perhaps we hadn't yet considered.  It occurred to me over the weekend that sometimes we need to invite these new eyes into the limiting beliefs we have in our own lives, too.

Last Saturday we enjoyed a lazy morning together as a family. After a late breakfast (with 3 young kids, 830 is now considered late!) and a stroll around the neighborhood, I showered and got ready for the disappearing day.

My four-year-old, Jack, sat on a stool near the bathroom sink watching me shave.  He asked important questions like: "why don't I need to do that, Daddy?" and "why don't baseball players wear shorts?" Then he said, "Daddy, your skin is so ridgey, bumpy and red."  He paused for a few seconds, tracing one of the scars with his index finger, and added, "but I really like it."

He "really likes it"?!!!

It took me 20 years to see any beauty in the scars that cover 87% of my body.  Even today, when I am honest about it, there are moments when I have a very difficult time seeing good in them.  There are times when I host the pity parties (no one ever comes by the way!), when I wish they weren't there, when I feel less-than-perfect.

Into that mess and into those negative voices steps an innocent, blinded to prejudice, open to real beauty, little boy who sees the scars - not for the marks of imperfection so many may see in them - but for the badge of beauty and courage which they are. 

My friends, the unavoidable consequence of life is that we all get burned; we all have scars.  Some appear physically; most appear internally - and are much more painful.  They emerge after difficult experiences at work, challenges in health, being burned in relationships, being disappointed by our children, or being mistreated during our own childhood.  The wounds open, the scars appear, and we rarely acknowledge their existence, except for a few passing, painful moments.

Today, in your life, where do you need some four-year-old to step in with you and remind you what really matters? Where do you need a new set of eyes to turn your negative experiences into a positive opportunity for a bigger, better life?   Here's the real question: what are your scars?   

Consider reflecting on the scarring experiences from your story.  Consider owning what took place, learning from it, and being a better, more compassionate person because of it.  Consider the fact that your scars only exist today because the wounds have healed.  When you embrace that, you'll be able to look in the mirror with new eyes, acknowledging your scars and say, "they are ridgey, bumpy and red......but I really like them!"

John O'Leary | RisingAbove
Ignite Life | Fulfill Potential | Impact Others

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Ignoring the Cover

 Ignoring the Cover

"Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances."  Wayne Dyer

Too often we let our first impression of brands, foods, events and people dictate the way we feel about them going forward.  By just seeing the cover, with little real perspective and with limited knowledge we judge, pigeonhole, write-off, and never offer a second chance.  In doing so we often miss the opportunity for them to prove us wrong, reveal their real value, and (occasionally) become a significant presence in our life. 
 
Having an early morning presentation the following day in northern Wisconsin, I HAD to make the last flight out of Atlanta, GA.  Arriving at the gate as the plane was boarding, the airline attendant shared with me that the flight was oversold by five passengers that evening; it was extremely unlikely I would make it.  (Not good!)  Shockingly, five potential passengers voluntarily deplaned, agreed to fly out in the morning and left with roundtrip tickets anywhere in the US.
With great joy I boarded the plane last, found my seat, sat down next to a large, goateed man, smiled at him and said, "Man, I bet you were hoping that I was going to sit next to you tonight!"  The giant stared back at me without expression and in a deep voice growled, "Actually, I was hoping like hell that no one was going to sit there." 
Normally, I would have run and hid or at least sprayed mace in his direction (the cover of this man certainly suggested that would be the right move!), but as we were stuck sharing an armrest for the next 2 hours, I just smiled, nodded and pulled out some work for the coming flight.   
Shortly after takeoff the brute spoke again: What happened to your hands? How did the fire happen?  Anybody else hurt?  How was the recovery? What do you do now?  What kind of messages do you deliver?  How is business? How is your family? 
The colossal man listened deeply as I answered. 
His chiseled face became soft as he smiled discussing his own young family: his older boys, the adopted son, the new baby, the beautiful wife.  He loved his new company and his new city.  The wild grizzly I had feared because of his abrasive cover was, in reality, a tender teddy bear. 
About a month ago my new friend, learned of a high school near his new city that had dealt with a recent string of tragedies.   A total of four students had committed suicide in the past 12 months.  He called me the morning he heard the story and said, "Dude, don't care what it costs, don't care if I have to collect bottle tops, I am bringing you into this community to inspire these kids."
Last Friday, after challenging 1,200 young adults to dream big, act courageously, and impact others' lives through their own, I asked my friend (the former grizzly bear) why he felt the urge to do something. 
He replied, "Dude, when you see others suffering, and you don't do something, you become part of the problem.  Life is way too precious to not risk a little when there's an opportunity to serve others." 
Servant leadership was not on the cover of his book when I first met him.  Being forced to sit next to him on a flight, though, offered the gift of reading much more than some superficial cover.  After learning more of his story I am reminded of the value in reading past the cover.
My friends, in your life, consider diving into the stories being written all around you.  Turn past the ragged cover and expect a beautiful story to unfold.   Celebrate the pages of your relationships, rejoice in your own experiences, demand beneficial growth from even the most difficult challenges you face today.  To paraphrase the giant, "Dude, life is way too precious to expect anything other than that."

 

John O'Leary | RisingAbove
Ignite Life | Fulfill Potential | Impact Others

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