Keep Going

Keep Going

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. ~Viktor Frankl

Ever feel like you're having a bad day? The kind where EVERYTHING seems to be going wrong; the kind where NOTHING goes right. I'm talking about the kind that would make you consider doing something as crazy as cussing into a PA system on a plane, grabbing a couple of beers, opening the emergency exit on a plane, and sliding away from the problems you face? (Ok, so maybe no one is that crazy, but you get the idea...we're talking that kind of day!) So what do you do when days like that hit?

I know a man who has a wonderful philosophy regarding what defines a bad day - and what to do with them when they occur. Buzz Farias believes individuals exaggerate the challenges they face daily and in doing so make insignificant problems into insurmountable ones. No, he isn't perfect. By his own account, he's had some bad days, too. Four, to be exact.

The bad days include: when he learned his mother had taken her own life, when his cancer became so serious that the doctors were considering taking his leg, when he learned his 22 year-old son had been murdered, and just one year later when they received the call that their 22 year-old daughter had been killed by a drunk driver.

These heart wrenching and tragic events, individually, could push someone over the edge of sadness and despair. Endured collectively and in rapid succession, though, they might be more than the most faithful and courageous could handle.

Buzz has a philosophy that helps, though. He quotes Churchill, "If you are going through hell, keep going." It's advice he follows; it 's advice he lives. Buzz said, "You always have a choice - you can give up, curl up and disappear in a well of self-pity, or you can pick yourself up and go on. Hard work, positive attitude and determination help you thrive. They carry you through any day"

I spoke at Buzz's ReMax real estate firm this month in Gulf Shores, Alabama. In addition to dealing with the same economy that is forcing many agents around the country to find new work, this region is also dealing with tar balls and oil washing up on their shores and drowning their market. Instead of being soaked in negativity, the entire organization has taken Buzz's advice to heart.

Buzz wasn't at the meeting, though. You see, the cancer that nearly took his leg years early attacked again. Living his mantra he battled, he kept going and he refused to host pity parties. After a courageous battle, the cancer took his life, but never his strength; never his attitude; never his spirit. Buzz refused surrendering them to cancer.

Today and going forward, my friends, what might happen if you refused to have bad days? What might happen if you took real ownership over your attitude, your emotions, your actions regardless of the challenges faced? What might happen if, in the midst of adversity, you just smiled, you forgave, you endured and kept going forward?

Put away the beer, roll up the inflatable slide, shut the emergency exit and put down the PA. Instead have the courage, determination and faith to know that the best is yet to come. It will make all the difference.

John O'Leary, www.risingabove.com

PS - friends, please follow us on FaceBook. You'll discover family photos, pics from events, funny stories and daily inspiration! See you there! www.facebook.com/speakerjohnoleary

John O'Leary | RisingAbove


Ignite Life | Fulfill Potential | Impact Others

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Midweek Motivation

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.  Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."  ~Oscar Wilde

On leadership retreats I’ll often challenge the group to be courageous enough to pull down the masks that they wear in daily life (you know the ones – the masks of the perfect marriage, the phenomenal business, the ideal job, the strong finances, the wonderfully perfect life) and be sincere with who they really are – and who they could become.

The exercise isn’t meant to depress (although being honest is sometimes painful). Instead, it is only possible to step toward our most significant and impactful life by embracing who we really are, how we got here and then stepping toward the beautiful story possible through our life.

The truth of our lives is that we have so much more to do, to be, to give and to receive, but we have to take off the mask, burn it, own our true identity, and then daringly step forward.

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Clicking Together

Clicking Together

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.  George Bernard Shaw 

Unmet expectations are the source of all conflicts. It's true between patients and their health care providers, sales professionals and their clients, educators and their students, parents and their children, husbands and wives.  It typically starts with small misunderstandings, escalates to arguments, breaks down relationships - collapsing the possibility of understanding and partnership.  Too often the downward spiral begins, not in the tyrannical actions of someone else, but in our own inability to communicate clearly and effectively what we expect.

As a child recovering from burns, I spent the first several weeks in hospital totally cutoff from others as my eyes were swollen shut, my voice muted by the respirator forcing oxygen into my damaged lungs, my arms and legs tied down to the bed to lessen the contractures.  After several weeks, the swelling lessened (allowing my vision to return), but the respirator continued pumping (keeping my voice silenced). 

I was nine years old, in intense pain, sad and afraid, and couldn't communicate with my parents or nurses.  If you can't speak, you can't write, you can't move, and you can't even nod your head, how do you communicate with others?  This was one of our challenges.

The technique we used was tongue clicking. (No, not the sophisticated African language of clicking and hissing, but a M-U-C-H simpler form of communication!).  One click meant "yes;" two clicks meant "no."  After mastering that language, a more complicated letter-board was introduced to facilitate communication. 

Here's how it worked: My parents would hold a small board with the alphabet on it, move their finger through the letters, and I would click when they got to the first letter of the word I wanted to spell.  Then we would do the same for the second letter.  And the third.  (Experiment: try this tonight and watch how long it takes to spell words and sentences.  For extra credit: do it lying down, with your eyes half-swollen shut, in the worst pain of your life, floating on morphine, at the educational level and mentality of a terrible spelling child!)  Needless to say, we had some miscommunication.

In every interaction using that board, I knew exactly what I was trying to get across.  But my Mom would go past the letter - and we'd have to start over; my Dad would go too slow - and we'd never get anywhere; my nurses would misunderstand what I wanted.  In every case frustration, tears and anger would set in. 

My friends, each of has some of that same child in us today.   We know what we are trying to communicate to our patients, children, shareholders, clients, and spouses. We know what we want from them. We know what we expect.  And we can't fathom what is wrong with them when they get it wrong. 

Today, when these breakdowns start blowing up around you professionally and personally, rather than getting frustrated and angry, consider getting clear and effective.  Make sure others actually understand your needs, desires, expectations and commitments.....Make sure YOU actually understand your needs, desires, expectations and commitments. 

The biggest problem is sometimes "the illusion" that we even told them what we expected.  

John O'Leary | RisingAbove
Ignite Life | Fulfill Potential | Impact Others 

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Playing Your Music

Playing Your Music

"Love is the fuel that overcomes the fear of penalty and moves the obligation of duty into opportunity to serve others. Love is energizing and love never ends."   Edie Varley

There is a singular attribute that permits individuals, families, and organizations to overcome adversity, grow together through it, and reveal to the rest of us what significance really is.  Certainly characteristics like determination, willpower, diligence, vision, and courage play important roles.  Beneath those brawny traits, though, exists the common denominator freeing the others to flourish: Love.  Love transforms the individual into an alchemist able to transform brokenness into unity, despair into hope, and deficiency into perfection.  Love allows us to rise above our challenges - and it frees others to rise above theirs, too.

 

Patrick Henry Hughes understands the power of love.  He entered this world with more challenges than most.  Born without eyes, and with arms and legs that would never fully function, Patrick was destined to spend his life in total darkness.  He'd spend his life, seemingly, unable to significantly contribute or live a normal life. 

 

Striving for 'normal,' however, is the greatest roadblock to change, to significance.  Fitting in and being like everyone else means we'll never play the music we're intended to play.  Patrick never cared about being normal. He cared much more about loving his many gifts, loving his passion for music, and loving the life that is perfectly his own.

From a young age Patrick enjoyed a deep love of music.  Although unable to see or walk, he learned to play the piano; by age TWO he was taking requests!  He steadily improved on both the piano and trumpet to such a degree that he was invited to be part of the University of Louisville marching band!

But how could a wheelchair bound, blind trumpet player possibly join a marching band?  You see, this isn't just about the love a young man to play his music perfectly, but also the story of a father's love that allows his son to shine.       

 

Patrick's dad loves his son.  His Dad, Patrick John, encouraged him to chase the musical dream, to continually grow as a person, to never make excuses, and when the opportunity came to join a university marching band, to chase that dream too.  Dad works the night shift in order to go to class with Patrick, help take notes, take him to daily practice for the marching band, and push the wheelchair that allows him to march instep with the rest of the band.  Dad doesn't sleep much (in fact, I have NO idea when he sleeps!), but love allows each of us to discover strength we never knew we possessed, ability to impact we never knew we had, and the potential to change the world only available to those who are aware enough of who they are that they become able to serve others with all they have.

 

Today, as you move toward the end of your day, the week and the year, take a moment is reminding yourself who the individuals you love are.  Think of the moments in your day and through your work when you find meaning.  Consider the opportunities available to you to serve, be more engaged, and do even more through your life - through your love. 

It is through love that you not only accept the instruments you've been given, but choose to play them as perfectly as you can.  In the orchestra of life, it is less about which instruments you're given (or dwelling on the ones you may not have received) and much more about what music you choose to make with them.  

 

John O'Leary |www.RisingAbove.com

 Ignite Life. Impact Others. Fulfill Potential.

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Morning Light

Morning Light

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. ~Kahlil Gibran

This past February's newsletter focused on awakening bravery, encouragement, and endurance as we face adversity. It reminded us of the power of the human spirit to fight and an individual's opportunity to always choose their own attitude. One of the stories I shared was about my father-in-law's recent diagnosis of cancer and his decision to battle it. Yesterday, after a five month struggle, being held by his wife, touched and encouraged by his children, and surrounded by his siblings and family, my father-in-law Joe lost his fight and was called home.

 

Joe loved his family. He adored his bride of 37 years, he loved his two girls and his two boys, he remained extremely close with his large family and he cherished his many friendships. His eyes always sparkled when family would come to his house - and never did they sparkle brighter than when he saw one of his five grandchildren. He so loved them. He was a simple man who wisely understood that joy is found in relationships - not things.

 

We've received incredible support throughout, but in recalling some specific individuals, it occurred to me that many who gave shared something in common: each had endured their own burning experiences. Just a few examples would include: the aunt who offered to sit with Joe during the night had recently lost her own sister and still felt that pain; a voicemail I received from someone in tears sharing his prayers for our family came from a good friend who recently lost his own mother to cancer; the prayer club that formed among Beth's girl friends was initiated by a friend who mother's also had cancer; the woman who thoughtfully demanded to take the kids when we needed a break endured a very difficult divorce; the friend of Joe and Mary's (my father and mother-in-law) who was their constant companion through chemo therapy, radiation treatments and as he slipped in and out of coma was a man who worked as a nurse with sick kids.

 

Through their own experiences of suffering each became empowered to serve selflessly, act courageously, impact deeply and love more fully.

Our family has discovered so much through Joe's entire fight. We've been reminded of the importance of faith, the joy of friends, the gift of family, the delight and innocence of children, the healing in humor, the truth that shared suffering is joy, the power of the human spirit to endure, the value of celebrating each and every moment with loved ones, the importance of reaching out and doing something for those who are in pain, and the absolute necessity of not hesitating or waiting to tell others that you love them.

 

Today we ache. We are exhausted and heartbroken and upset. This pain will remain with us. There are, however, two truths that grow from the seeds of this great loss. The first is the vivid reminder that the path of compassion is paved in painful experiences. It is only from loss that springs forth the ability to suffer with others, serve them better, and love them more purely.

 

The second is that we have faith this isn't the end of Joe's story. The light that we mourn as dusk setting over our horizon is the same light being celebrated as dawn appearing on a different horizon. As we weep the fading light saying, "we'll miss you, Joe" there are others celebrating the morning light saying, "welcome home, Joe."

 

John O'Leary | RisingAbove

Ignite Life | Fulfill Potential | Impact Others

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The Light within Darkness

The Light within Darkness
**originally written on January 29, 2010**

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. Carl Jung

It is said that we are constantly moving into a challenging storm of life, struggling through one currently, or just coming through one.  And as negative as this may sound, it conversely suggests that we are moving into a beautiful time in life, are enjoying one currently, or are just completing the celebration of one.  The darkness and brightness of life, then, are just two opposite ways of seeing the same event.  

 
As bright as life has been recently, I often find myself peaking toward the shadows wondering, "What will I do then?"  Unfortunately, we don't need to wonder very long as the shadows creep into all of our lives occasionally.  The last two weeks have served as a painful reminder of that truth.

 
Two weeks ago my day began with the rush to catch a flight.  Upon landing there was news of an earthquake in Haiti. By the end of the day it was revealed that several hundred thousand people were feared dead; millions more in suffering, homeless, broken. The human pain there is unimaginable; the sense of hopelessness overwhelming.  

More close to home, a few days after the quake a friend from high school was rocked through the death of his daughter.  This sweet little one was almost a year old and had battled leukemia bravely since her birth.  It was a huge loss for the family and all who love them. 
Later that day we received news that my wife's father, Joe, likely has cancer.  By the end of the week he had been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic, liver and colon cancer.  It remains stunning, saddening news. 

There were many more significant tragedies from the previous couple of weeks, but as I see you are about to leave the computer, proceed to the window, and jump - I'll stop and come to the point.  Through these tragedies, somehow, there remain glimmers of hope.  The great majority of the Haitian people have united and worked together, there have been amazing stories of valor and courage, there exists the possibility that through this catastrophe the poorest nation in this hemisphere may follow the example of the phoenix and rise from the ashes.  The death of that baby girl has united a family, a church and a community in sadness - and love.  My father-in-law's cancer has brought about the celebration of life: his family is united around him, he is soaking in the moments with his grandchildren, and tonight hundreds of his friends and family gather for a prayer service - not only asking for a miracle of healing, but celebrating the miracle of life that already has been gifted to Joe.     

Like you, I have responsibilities at work, at home and in the community.  Like you, I am busy and have many pulls on my time.  Like you, I sometimes struggle just staying above the water.  Tonight though, I am reminded of the fragility of life and the common bonds that sustain us and offer meaning:  our desire to love and be loved; our need to be part of something bigger than ourselves; our desire to be appreciated and remembered; our ability to rise up and fight, our joy found in the presence of a good friend, and our amazing gift extended to each of us to choose, moment by moment to step toward a life bigger, better and more meaningful than anything we dreamed possible.

Today, I am reminded that life is remarkably beautiful, dreadfully sad, totally deficient, and, somehow, entirely perfect.  It is, my friends, only in the darkness of life that our eyes are permitted to see what they too often miss in the light. 

John O'Leary | RisingAbove
Ignite Life | Fulfill Potential | Impact Others

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Where in the World is...John O'Leary??

Where in the World is...John O'Leary?

Are you wondering where I might be traveling to next? I've posted a few photos of the cities that I will be visiting soon. Can YOU name the city, just by a photo? If so, be sure to tell me what city you think it is by leaving a comment. (The third one is an easy one!)

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New Eyes

New Eyes 

One does not see anything until one sees its beauty.   - Oscar Wilde

 We often see firsthand the benefits of bringing a new set of eyes into a problem.  It allows us to look at situations or challenges from a fresh perspective that perhaps we hadn't yet considered.  It occurred to me over the weekend that sometimes we need to invite these new eyes into the limiting beliefs we have in our own lives, too.

Last Saturday we enjoyed a lazy morning together as a family. After a late breakfast (with 3 young kids, 830 is now considered late!) and a stroll around the neighborhood, I showered and got ready for the disappearing day.

My four-year-old, Jack, sat on a stool near the bathroom sink watching me shave.  He asked important questions like: "why don't I need to do that, Daddy?" and "why don't baseball players wear shorts?" Then he said, "Daddy, your skin is so ridgey, bumpy and red."  He paused for a few seconds, tracing one of the scars with his index finger, and added, "but I really like it."

He "really likes it"?!!!

It took me 20 years to see any beauty in the scars that cover 87% of my body.  Even today, when I am honest about it, there are moments when I have a very difficult time seeing good in them.  There are times when I host the pity parties (no one ever comes by the way!), when I wish they weren't there, when I feel less-than-perfect.

Into that mess and into those negative voices steps an innocent, blinded to prejudice, open to real beauty, little boy who sees the scars - not for the marks of imperfection so many may see in them - but for the badge of beauty and courage which they are. 

My friends, the unavoidable consequence of life is that we all get burned; we all have scars.  Some appear physically; most appear internally - and are much more painful.  They emerge after difficult experiences at work, challenges in health, being burned in relationships, being disappointed by our children, or being mistreated during our own childhood.  The wounds open, the scars appear, and we rarely acknowledge their existence, except for a few passing, painful moments.

Today, in your life, where do you need some four-year-old to step in with you and remind you what really matters? Where do you need a new set of eyes to turn your negative experiences into a positive opportunity for a bigger, better life?   Here's the real question: what are your scars?   

Consider reflecting on the scarring experiences from your story.  Consider owning what took place, learning from it, and being a better, more compassionate person because of it.  Consider the fact that your scars only exist today because the wounds have healed.  When you embrace that, you'll be able to look in the mirror with new eyes, acknowledging your scars and say, "they are ridgey, bumpy and red......but I really like them!"

John O'Leary | RisingAbove
Ignite Life | Fulfill Potential | Impact Others

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Ignoring the Cover

 Ignoring the Cover

"Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances."  Wayne Dyer

Too often we let our first impression of brands, foods, events and people dictate the way we feel about them going forward.  By just seeing the cover, with little real perspective and with limited knowledge we judge, pigeonhole, write-off, and never offer a second chance.  In doing so we often miss the opportunity for them to prove us wrong, reveal their real value, and (occasionally) become a significant presence in our life. 
 
Having an early morning presentation the following day in northern Wisconsin, I HAD to make the last flight out of Atlanta, GA.  Arriving at the gate as the plane was boarding, the airline attendant shared with me that the flight was oversold by five passengers that evening; it was extremely unlikely I would make it.  (Not good!)  Shockingly, five potential passengers voluntarily deplaned, agreed to fly out in the morning and left with roundtrip tickets anywhere in the US.
With great joy I boarded the plane last, found my seat, sat down next to a large, goateed man, smiled at him and said, "Man, I bet you were hoping that I was going to sit next to you tonight!"  The giant stared back at me without expression and in a deep voice growled, "Actually, I was hoping like hell that no one was going to sit there." 
Normally, I would have run and hid or at least sprayed mace in his direction (the cover of this man certainly suggested that would be the right move!), but as we were stuck sharing an armrest for the next 2 hours, I just smiled, nodded and pulled out some work for the coming flight.   
Shortly after takeoff the brute spoke again: What happened to your hands? How did the fire happen?  Anybody else hurt?  How was the recovery? What do you do now?  What kind of messages do you deliver?  How is business? How is your family? 
The colossal man listened deeply as I answered. 
His chiseled face became soft as he smiled discussing his own young family: his older boys, the adopted son, the new baby, the beautiful wife.  He loved his new company and his new city.  The wild grizzly I had feared because of his abrasive cover was, in reality, a tender teddy bear. 
About a month ago my new friend, learned of a high school near his new city that had dealt with a recent string of tragedies.   A total of four students had committed suicide in the past 12 months.  He called me the morning he heard the story and said, "Dude, don't care what it costs, don't care if I have to collect bottle tops, I am bringing you into this community to inspire these kids."
Last Friday, after challenging 1,200 young adults to dream big, act courageously, and impact others' lives through their own, I asked my friend (the former grizzly bear) why he felt the urge to do something. 
He replied, "Dude, when you see others suffering, and you don't do something, you become part of the problem.  Life is way too precious to not risk a little when there's an opportunity to serve others." 
Servant leadership was not on the cover of his book when I first met him.  Being forced to sit next to him on a flight, though, offered the gift of reading much more than some superficial cover.  After learning more of his story I am reminded of the value in reading past the cover.
My friends, in your life, consider diving into the stories being written all around you.  Turn past the ragged cover and expect a beautiful story to unfold.   Celebrate the pages of your relationships, rejoice in your own experiences, demand beneficial growth from even the most difficult challenges you face today.  To paraphrase the giant, "Dude, life is way too precious to expect anything other than that."

 

John O'Leary | RisingAbove
Ignite Life | Fulfill Potential | Impact Others

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