Clicking Together

Clicking Together

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.  George Bernard Shaw 

Unmet expectations are the source of all conflicts. It's true between patients and their health care providers, sales professionals and their clients, educators and their students, parents and their children, husbands and wives.  It typically starts with small misunderstandings, escalates to arguments, breaks down relationships - collapsing the possibility of understanding and partnership.  Too often the downward spiral begins, not in the tyrannical actions of someone else, but in our own inability to communicate clearly and effectively what we expect.

As a child recovering from burns, I spent the first several weeks in hospital totally cutoff from others as my eyes were swollen shut, my voice muted by the respirator forcing oxygen into my damaged lungs, my arms and legs tied down to the bed to lessen the contractures.  After several weeks, the swelling lessened (allowing my vision to return), but the respirator continued pumping (keeping my voice silenced). 

I was nine years old, in intense pain, sad and afraid, and couldn't communicate with my parents or nurses.  If you can't speak, you can't write, you can't move, and you can't even nod your head, how do you communicate with others?  This was one of our challenges.

The technique we used was tongue clicking. (No, not the sophisticated African language of clicking and hissing, but a M-U-C-H simpler form of communication!).  One click meant "yes;" two clicks meant "no."  After mastering that language, a more complicated letter-board was introduced to facilitate communication. 

Here's how it worked: My parents would hold a small board with the alphabet on it, move their finger through the letters, and I would click when they got to the first letter of the word I wanted to spell.  Then we would do the same for the second letter.  And the third.  (Experiment: try this tonight and watch how long it takes to spell words and sentences.  For extra credit: do it lying down, with your eyes half-swollen shut, in the worst pain of your life, floating on morphine, at the educational level and mentality of a terrible spelling child!)  Needless to say, we had some miscommunication.

In every interaction using that board, I knew exactly what I was trying to get across.  But my Mom would go past the letter - and we'd have to start over; my Dad would go too slow - and we'd never get anywhere; my nurses would misunderstand what I wanted.  In every case frustration, tears and anger would set in. 

My friends, each of has some of that same child in us today.   We know what we are trying to communicate to our patients, children, shareholders, clients, and spouses. We know what we want from them. We know what we expect.  And we can't fathom what is wrong with them when they get it wrong. 

Today, when these breakdowns start blowing up around you professionally and personally, rather than getting frustrated and angry, consider getting clear and effective.  Make sure others actually understand your needs, desires, expectations and commitments.....Make sure YOU actually understand your needs, desires, expectations and commitments. 

The biggest problem is sometimes "the illusion" that we even told them what we expected.  

John O'Leary | RisingAbove
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